It is the most amazing feeling in the world…

My little girl isn’t your average thirteen-year-old. She is witty, bold, fierce, and mature beyond her years in ways that most 13-year-old teens aren’t. Don’t get me wrong, she can be a turd sometimes, messy, attitude, the norm, but there is just something about this individual that just inspires me and pushes me to be my best self… all the time. She fears nothing. Not heights. Not change. Not spinning. Not back tucks on a balance beam… She pushes everyone around her to reflect on their actions and words to the point where sometimes it drives you crazy. She gives drive-by kisses, snuggles that melt your heart, and she still climbs into bed with me every morning. She is a tom boy… no jewelry, her hair is on top of her head in a messy bun, which she calls the “palm tree” or the “croissant” and she yells at me every time I put on makeup in the morning… telling me I am beautiful just the way I am, and she doesn’t wear makeup either. When she was itty bitty, she would let me paint her nails all the time, do her hair, dress her in adorable outfits, but now she has a mind, style, and journey of her own. Part of that journey was this photo shoot.

Ever since she was little, she has called me the “mom-arazzi” and got grumpy when I took her picture… which let’s be honest was a lot. One thing I will never regret, even though she didn’t always like it and even though I missed out on being in the moment a few times here or there… because I will always have those little moments on film to go back and relive.

But this week something changed. We uprooted our lives again and moved to Arizona (a whole other blog post to come) and she purchased a few items at the nearby mall that she was really digging. We entered the dressing room together because she also picked out a shirt for me, and when she put her outfit on she kept looking in the mirror. Of course, I ragged on her for staring in the mirror for forever when I was hungry and wanted to leave, but she responded with “What? I am just feelin’ myself in this outfit…”

I didn’t realize it then, I thought it was just a new saying the “rad” kids at school had introduced her to (wow, that makes me feel SO OLD) and I told her to wrap it up so we could get lunch. But that change, the move, that one outfit she was “feelin’ herself in” opened a door of possibilities, a window for which I could see into my baby girl’s world and how she feels about herself.

A few days ago, we were all so exhausted from the move and from unloading and unpacking non-stop for days that I asked the girls (Katlyn’s best friend Talissa came with us to help with the transition and make moving fun) if they wanted to walk into the desert and take some pictures. Their response brightened my day. They helped each other get ready, pampered themselves and each other, and came down stairs ready to rock and roll with a duffel bag of outfits and accessories.

I almost died when Katlyn walked down our new stair case with carved, filled in eye brows, her shirt tied up, and her hair curled. My first instinct was to laugh, tell her to go back upstairs, put something on that is more appropriate, and come back when she is finished. But I didn’t. Her confidence and empowerment were just exuding from her and her inner lady came out when she stepped in front of my camera. Her movements and expressions were natural and un-posed by me… although she looked older and she grew up way faster than I wanted her to, she mastered what many grown women haven’t, feeling beautiful and confident in her own skin, and expressing herself in a way that is natural and true to her.

I am proud.

I am proud that she feels that way about herself, and that she stared at her unedited photographs for hours, happy with her own self. Her natural, unedited, beautiful self. I am proud of her for teaching me to love my body and for encouraging her friends to love theirs. I am proud of her free spirit and the lady she is today. I need this little girl to live and I am the luckiest mom in the world to have her.